When the Wall Goes Up
by ThursdayEVargas
Summary: Ivan would hate to see those eyes so lacking their usual vigor and filled with the red of insomnia. He tired to get him to sleep and eat, but Gilbert was stubborn. He always had been.


AN: And now back to the regularly scheduled angst.

XxX

He wasn't himself anymore. That was the only thing Gilbert was sure of. He didn't feel like the same person. In fact, he didn't feel at all. Instead, he would stand silently and still as a statue, watching as the barrier was built. He kept watching, even when the snow turned pink, then red. Gilbert longed to be lying, forgotten and red as the others in the snow. Nothing was going to be right again.

And everyday Ivan would visit with some dish Kat had made for Gilbert. Gilbert was always standing, staring. Never sleeping or eating unless Ivan physically picked him up and laid him in bed or fed him. Gilbert's eyes, usually a red filled with passion for something or another and excitement were now dull and red from lack of sleep.

Gilbert refused to keep himself fed and well-rested, making Ivan feel a little angry. It wasn't Ivan's fault Gilbert chose to do something that was wrong. It wasn't Ivan's fault Gilbert refused to look after himself. But Ivan still pitied Gilbert and cared for him like a child.

And everyday, Ivan would pull Gilbert to the couch. He held the albino in a loving embrace, wanting him to _sleep_. He would always promise, "Things will get better, comrade. Things will change." These words were always met with a blank stare. Then Ivan would usually sigh, rub Gilbert's back, and tell him news of Ludwig and his well-being. That made Gilbert want to stay strong. And made him talk.

"Are you sure he's alright?" Gilbert asked. "Why doesn't he write to me?" He looked at Ivan sadly. It was something.

"Paper is expensive," Ivan said. "Everything is. But Alfred and Francis give me news of Ludwig.

"Is he getting enough to eat?" Gilbert asked.

"If Alfred hasn't eaten everything in sight, it's a miracle," Ivan said, chuckling.

But Gilbert didn't laugh. "Is he sick?" he asked.

"No," Ivan said. "Ludwig is fine. You must stay strong for him."

Gilbert didn't reply, but Ivan knew he was comforted by news of his brother. Gilbert pretty much raised Ludwig. And being apart from Ludwig had to be driving Gilbert crazy. Ivan would've felt the same if him and his sisters had been separated.

"Kat baked bread for you," he said. "And we managed to get some butter. Let's get you fed," Ivan said, helping Gilbert to the table and forcing him to sit. Gilbert's eyes wandered to the window, making Ivan frown. He closed the blinds and drew the curtains shut. "Eat," he ordered.

Gilbert could only manage a few bite of bread and whatever else Kat had packed for him. Ivan was disappointed, but didn't argue. Gilbert wouldn't eat even if he won the argument.

Instead, Ivan kissed Gilbert's forehead in a sort of parental way. "I'll be back tomorrow," he promised. "Try to eat and rest, Gilbert." Gilbert didn't reply, so Ivan left, shaking his head.

The next day was worse. Everyday got worse than before. Ivan could only provide what Kat had cooked and some support. Even the news about his brother didn't do Gilbert any good. Ivan felt like a parent who had failed to make their charge happy.

"What if you came to stay with me?" Ivan asked, rubbing Gilbert's back.

"Why?" Gilbert asked, looking at him.

"Because you're getting worse here," Ivan said. "Kat's worried about you."

Gilbert nodded, "I think I'd like that." But he knew he wouldn't. He didn't like anything now. Nothing could make him feel the way he did before. He wasn't the strong and mighty Prussia anymore. Now he was just Gilbert Beilschmidt.

"Good," Ivan said, standing up. He offered a hand to Gilbert, who stared at it for a moment. Then he took it, getting up with some help. Ivan smiled, but he was actually disappointed in Gilbert's condition.

"To your house?" he asked.

"Of course, comrade," Ivan said. He ran a thumb over Gilbert's bony knuckles. Gilbert looked at him blankly. Ivan simply led him by the hand out of the house.

"Kat will be so happy to have you with us," Ivan said, smiling. "She asks about you all the time. She's been worried about you. Eliza too." He looked at Gilbert.

The albino wasn't focusing on anything. He simply trailed slightly behind Ivan. The prospect of seeing Elizaveta appealed to him. He hadn't seen her in a while.

"She misses you too," Ivan said, pulling on his hand as a warning to keep pace with him. Gilbert did so, a little eager to get to Ivan's house. Ivan smiled, knowing Gilbert had to be feeling. And that was what he wanted.

Ivan smiled as they walked through the door. Kat came rushing in from the kitchen, hugging Gilbert. Ivan chuckled at her enthusiasm.

"I was so worried," she sobbed. "Ivan said you wouldn't eat or sleep or talk."

Ivan chuckled, "Kat, let's give Gilbert some time to rest." He put a hand on Gilbert's shoulder, prying him out of his sister's grasp.

She wiped at her eyes. "You're right," she said. "I'll make some stew." Ivan nodded, "That would be best." He led Gilbert upstairs to a clean bedroom. "Toris will be in soon to give you a bath," Ivan said, smiling. Gilbert nodded, sitting on the bed. Ivan left with a sigh.

"Is he alright?" Eliza demanded, glaring at him.

"Go see," he said.

"If you did anything to him," she threatened.

"I did nothing but care for him," Ivan said.

Elizaveta glared at him before walking off. Ivan chuckled, knowing she couldn't argue with him. He went to check on the stew for Gilbert. Ivan was not going to have the albino starve himself to death.

Meanwhile, Toris was leading Gilbert to the bathroom. He knew Ivan had ordered him to give Gilbert a bath, but Toris was a little freaked out. Usually Gilbert would've protested at being treated like a chid. But this silence was worse than insults. He closed the door behind them and Gilbert stood there.

"Can I…undress you?" Toris asked carefully. Gilbert didn't reply, but Toris reached slowly out and began stripping Gilbert. Gilbert didn't do anything but move a bit to make it easier on Toris.

Toris ran a warm bath and helped Gilbert into the bathtub. Gilbert said for several moments. Then Toris sighed, scrubbing the albino's body. He ran warm water over the skin. Bones poked through occasionally. Toris pitied him. At least he had Ivan to take care of him. He moved up, scrubbing the albino's hair, rinsing it. It was starting to get a bit long.

"Mind if I trim your hair?" he asked.

Gilbert looked at him dully, "Go ahead."

Toris nodded, helping him out of the tub and draining it. He grabbed the scissors, trimming the white hair carefully. Once it was shorter, he smiled. "Done," he said. "Danke," he said. He looked more like his old self. He looked at Toris, nodding a bit in approval. Toris helped him dress in some pajamas Ivan had picked out for the albino.

"There we go," Toris said, smiling. "You look handsome."

Gilbert didn't respond for a few moments. Toris sighed, leading him back to bed. "You need rest," he said. "Mr. Russia wants to see you get better, Gilbert."

Gilbert let out a small grunt of pain. "They're dying," he said in a hollow voice that made Toris shudder.

"Get you in bed, we will," he promised, pulling back the covers. He propped Gilbert up with a few pillows. "There, comfortable?"

Gilbert nodded. Toris had to force a smile. This had to be cured soon. He would not stand to see Gilbert stay this sick forever. It was creepy. And soon, Ivan stepped in, carrying a tray of food.

"I hope you are hungry, Gilbert," Ivan said, smiling. He set the tray on the table and sat on the edge of the bed. "Kat made plenty of food. Eat it."

Gilbert reached for the bread. Ivan was delighted. Gilbert was getting better, he had to be. Gilbert nibbled it, savouring the taste. "She makes good bread," he said softly. A little bit of life was back in those eyes.

Ivan smiled, "Of course she does. Toris, you can go."

Toris was relieved, "Thank you, sir." He walked out of the room, wanting to get away from Gilbert.

"Stay with me," Gilbert pleaded to Ivan. He didn't care if it was childish. "Stay with me tonight."

"I will," Ivan promised. "Eat."

Gilbert did so, finding he was hungry. This was the first time in a while. He didn't know how long, since the days sort of blended together. Ivan smiled at the albino's appetite.

"You're getting better," Ivan said, pleased at this.

"I was hungry," Gilbert said.

Ivan chuckled, "I could tell." He began to place the dishes back on the tray. He stood to take them back to the kitchen and Gilbert watched. "Rest," Ivan said. "I will return tonight." Gilbert nodded, sitting there.

And when night fell, Ivan did return. Gilbert needed to get better and Ivan would do anything at this point. Gilbert watched as Ivan got in bed next to him.

"Better?" Ivan asked.

"Hold me," Gilbert said. That was childish too, but he didn't care.

Ivan sighed, "As you wish." He pulled Gilbert into an embrace. Gilbert rested his head on Ivan's chest, soothed by his heartbeat. Ivan petted Gilbert's hair, noticing it was shorter. He would have to praise Toris. Gilbert slowly fell asleep on Ivan's chest. Ivan smiled, watching the other. Slowly, he fell asleep, smiling.

Gilbert woke up, screaming. It was full of pain and fear and Ivan was jolted awake by the sound. He held Gilbert, who thrashed and clawed at him. "Gilbert," Ivan said in a soothing tone. "It's Ivan. You are safe. You are home."

"You bastard!" Gilbert shrieked. "People are dying! I can feel it! Everything is painful!" Ivan gave Gilbert a small shake. Gilbert still clawed at Ivan, shrieking. Ivan slapped Gilbert, getting a little angry with him.

"You bastard!" Gilbert shrieked, glaring at Ivan.

Ivan sighed, "I though you were getting better." He stood up, walking out of the room and locking the bedroom door behind him. Ukraine looked at him, pale and worried.

"Is he alright?" she asked.

"He will be fine in the morning," Ivan promised as Gilbert continued to scream. Eventually, the albino's voice gave out and he restored to banging on the door and walls. Kat went to bed at Ivan's urging.

Then the scratching started. Gilbert would scratch at the door, pause to beg and whine for Ivan to come back or let him out. Then more scratching. Eventually it stopped around daybreak. Ivan opened the door, looking at the figure in bed.

A pitiful sob echoed through the room. Ivan sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing Gilbert's back. He said softly, "Things will get better, Gilbert."

"Not for me," he said. "Tell West I'm sorry I wasn't awesome enough."

"You will tell him yourself," Ivan said. "You are not going to die out of self-pity."

Gilbert looked at him. "Why?" he asked.

"Because you are a part of Germany," Ivan explained. "And you will be strong. Like your brother and your ancestors. Now let's get you something to eat."

Gilbert sighed, "Why are you doing this?"

"Because I will not see a comrade of mine kill themselves with self-pity," Ivan said, kissing Gilbert's forehead in the same paternal way. "War and plague and famine are fine, but never pity. Pity is for the weak."

"Why?" Gilbert repeated.

"Because you are the strong and mighty eastern part of Germany," Ivan explained. "And your brother will be happy to see that I've treated you well."

"Ludwig doesn't care," Gilbert said. "He never wrote me a letter."

"He wasn't allowed to," Ivan said. "That was one of the terms we agreed on without you. No direct contact between you and him."

Gilbert looked at him, angry. "Why would you do that? You know I raised Ludwig."

"I know," Ivan said. "And I pity you. But you must be strong for Ludwig."

"You're a bastard," Gilbert said, glaring at Ivan with anger in his eyes.

"Glad to see you are better, comrade," Ivan said, smiling. "Kat will make something for you to eat in a short while." He walked over to the door, giving Gilbert a short wave before closing it. He didn't lock it now that Gilbert had regained some of his old flair. There was no reason to unless he wanted to drive Gilbert crazy.


End file.
